Posted by K M Mishra on agast 7, 2010
mera achchhe se achchha mitr bhi do minat bad darawaje ki taraf dekhane lagata hai jab main usako apani taji wyangy rachana sunane baithata hoon ya fir wah mej ke niche se akhabar nikal kar padane lagega ya fir pas baithe bhaee se usaki padaee ke bare men poochhane lagega . main usaka dhyan apani taraf aakarshit karoonga to ek minat bad kanbakht ko janbhaeeyan aane lagengi . kya karan ho sakata hai . do karan ho sakate hain . pahala – ya to main itana uchch, utkrsht, klisht aur ganbhir sahity ka srjan karata han, matalab ki itana ghatiya likhata han ki samane wala bor ho jata hai ya fir samane wale ka sahity, kala, sangit se door door tak koee nata hi nahin hai . is wajah se wah wakaee men meri wyangy rachanaon ko nahin samajh paya hai jo ki galati se achchhi likh di gaee hain . samaj ka kitana hras ho gaya hai . log sahity se door ho rahe hain . main sahity ka sannata todane ke liyeyek badiya wyangy likhata hoon aur sunane wale ki janbhaeeyon se jitana sannata toot sakata hai toot jata hai .
jab se sabhyata ka wikas huaa hai aadami ne boriyat ka anubhaw kiya hai . bandar aur chinpaji bor hote hain yah mujhako nahin maloom . main unaki bhasha nahin samajhata . fir wah kebal ti.wi. bhi to nahin dekhate hain . purane samay men jab raja darabar, raniyon aur nach ganon se oob jata tha to wah jang ladane chala jata tha . jab jang se oob jata tha to wapas aakar raniyon aur nach ganon men wyast ho jata tha .
khair, bada hi mahatwapoorn prashn hai ki insan bor kyon hota hai ? kya karan hai ? kya nidan hai ? kam se kam agar koee aitiboriyat goli ban jaye to yah bahut bada upakar hoga sahity aur sahityakaron par . koee sunane wala milata hi nahin . karan manowaijnyanik hain aur isake kaee manowaijnyanik karan ho sakate hain . ek udaharan deta hoon jo ki aapake sath bhi ghatata hai . main klas men baitha fijiks ka lekchar sun raha han par dhyan piriyad bad hone wale kriket maich par hai . ‘wimal nalayak waeed bal bahut fenkata hai . isako owar diya to harawaye bina nahin manega .‘ man ghoorapur tan saidabad . ab chahe durrani sar halak fad kar batayen ki iskep welasiti ke liye 11.2 mi/se ki raftar jaroori hoti hai par main munh fad kar jamhaee loonga aur sochoonga ki radheshyam ki gend men wah raftar nahin jo iskep welasti men hai . to pahala karan yah hai ki jo ghatana aapake samane ghat rahi hai hamara dhyan usamen n lag kar kahin or laga huaa hai . kisi majabooriwash ya bandhanawash ham wahan wiraje huye hain . majaboori hai jo iskep welasti jhel rahe hain aur palayan karane ke liye weg nahin juta pa rahe hain . is liye janbhaeeyan aa rahi hain .
doosara karan aur doosara udaharan . agala lekchar hai kemistri ka . kemistri men pichhali bar nanbar pata nahin kaise achchhe aa gaye the . ya to main pad kar aaya tha ya upadhyay . kyonki dono ne ek doosare ki kanpi tipi thi . isaliye main kemistri ka lekchar atend karane laga han . par chaturwedi sar itana dhire bolate hain ki kuchh palle nahin padata hai . kya pada rahe hain . kya bord par likh rahe hain khud ek paheli hai . main bis minat tak dimag par jor dale unhen wach kar raha han par pachchisawen minat men udasi ka hamala ho jata hai aur main janbhaeeyan lene lagata hoon . arthat samane wali ghatana itani dili hai ki wah dhyanakarshak nahin hai aur us par dimag kendrit karana ek dimagi kasarat hai jisase dimag thak jata hai aur nidra ki shurooaati sthiti ka pradurbhaw hota hai . jhapaki aane lagati hai . boriyat ka anubhaw .
udaharan nanbar tin . main apane tin mitron ksh,tr,jny ke sath baitha huaa hoon . ham charon abhinn mitr hain . ksh,tr,jny darshanashastr ke premi hain . abhi bhi nalayak darshanashastr ke kisi sidhdant par bheja bhidaye huye hain . par meri yah musibat hai ki filasafi ke darshan matr se hi mujhe pasina aata hai . par main ksh,tr,jny ke prem ki wajah se uth kar ja bhi nahin sakata hoon . baitha hoon aur darshanashastr ke patthar sar par pit raha han aur thodi der men boriyat ka shikar ho jaoonga arthat samane dhatit hone wali ghatana aisi hai jisamen aapaki koee dilachaspi nahin hai par aap uth kar ja bhi nahin sakate hain fir aap kya kar sakate hain . kuchh nahin, aap ek chhoti si nind le lijiye . kharr-kharr .
kabhi-kabhi boriyat ek hi ghatana ke ya kriya ke bar bar doharaw ke karan ho jati hai jisaki wajah wah kriya utani chittakarshak nahin rahati hai jitani ki pahali bar thi . ekasi samasya ya ek hi film ko 3 ya 4 bar dekhane par ya ek hi kam roj roj karane par boriyat paida hoti hai .
boriyat aadami ko achchhi chijon se bhi ho jati hai . aadami har roj rasagulla khaye to hafte bhar bad wah rasagulla dekh kar bhagega . kebal ti.wi. ke 60-70 chainal badalate badalate boriyat hone lagati hai . boriyat khali baithane se bhi hoti hai . is prakar ki boriyat ritayard aadamiyon ko bahut hoti hai . agar unake pas karane ko koee kam nahi hota hai ya unhonne apane aap ko kahin bizi nahin rakha to we boriyat ka shikar ho jate hain .
is prakar boriyat kaee prakar ki hoti hai . laik ऑf kansantreshan, ghatanaon ka doharaw, khali baithana, kisi aisi kriya men bhag lena jisamen aapaki roochi n ho aur aroochi ke karan dimag thakane lage . ya samane wali kriya itani dili aur bojhil hai ki usako jhelana ek saja ho .
boriyat se bachane ke tarike kya ho sakate hain ?
pahala – kansantret ho kar ghatanaon ko wach kijiye . adhoore man se dekhane par boriyat hogi .
doosara – ghatanaon ko aur chijon ko injany karana sikhiye .
tisara – apana dayara badaiye . un chijon men bhi roochi lijiye jinase abhi tak aap door the .
chautha – apane aap ko adhiktar wyast rakhiye aur un kriyayon men jyada wakt dijiye jinhen aap pasand karate ho . jaise kitaben, kuking, sangit wagairah .
panch – isake bad bhi agar kuchh paristhitiyan ya log aise hain jo ki boriyat ke paryayawachi hai to turant chappal pahaniye aur foot lijiye .
eesssosssshassss (janbhaee) . bahut bor kiya . ab khatm karana chahiye .
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | Tagged: Hasya, Vyangya., hindi hasy wyangy, samajik, sahity, cartoon, kartoon, Humor, comedy, bor, boring, chemistry, philosphy, kala, sangit, sahity ka sannata, boriyat, iskep welasti, kemistri, darshanashastr | 5 Comments »
Posted by K M Mishra on julaee 26, 2010
maidam ne ek bada hi dhakada, khunkhara, katakhana, naya kutta kharida hai magar nam ko lekar pareshan hain . taeegara, sheroo, painthar jaise nam wo nahin rakhana chahati hain . unako naye jamane ka khunkhar nam chahiye . main to kahata hoon isaki swamibhakti ko dekhate huye si.bi.aaee. nam bilkul thik rahega .=V
<=
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | Tagged: Hasya, Vyangya., hindi hasy wyangy, rajanaitik wisangatiyon, cartoon, kartoon, Humor, comedy, CBI, kutta, dhakad, khunkhar, katakhana, taeegar, sheroo, painthar | 4 Comments »
Posted by K M Mishra on julaee 22, 2010
rojagar ke naye awasar ke pahale bhag ko apane saraha tha aur aadeshanuma niwedan kiya tha ki tatkal doosare bhag ko prakashit kiya jaye jisase desh men berojagari ki samasya ko wyaktigat star par door kiya ja sake . aapaka aadesh manane men mujhe thodi deri huyi kyonki usake doosare din hi ek mahatwapoorn ghatana ghat gayi . jagaran jankshan ne mujhe do nanbar ka blagastar ghoshit kar diya . abhi kal hi khalis 24 kairet sone wale, old ij gold chacha khurana jagaran jankshan par blagapati ka taj hasil karane men safal huye hain . chacha ko bahut bahut badhaee lekin is chakkar men unhonne dat bhi khoob khaee . chachi aur bhatiji dono ko chacha ke abhibhawak hone ka gauraw prapt hai . amooman har shadishuda pati ki abhibhawak usaki patni hoti hai . it ij d maitar ऑf transafar ऑf pawar franm pairents tu waif . khair bat ho rahi thi naye rojagaron ki .
pahale bhag men mainne aapako homawark diya tha ki akhabar men prakashit hone wale sabhi jyotishiyon aur tantrikon ke wijnyapanon par ek najar daudayen . kaee utsahit pathak n sirf wijnyapan balki un jyotishiyon aur tantrikon ke daftar tak bhi daud laga chuke hain . achchhi bat hai . koee naya dhandha dalane se pahale sarwe jaroori hota hai .
to mitron, yah dhandha chakachak hai . yah totali aapaki pratibha par nirbhar karata hain ki aap sadak par bord lagakar hath dekhate hain ya fir hawaee yatra karake kisi mantri ke bedaroom men pasar kar skanch pite huye usaki janmakundali banchate hain . idhar futabal ke mahakunbh men aapane aaktopas baba pal ki bhawishyawaniyon aur badate yash ka hal to dekha hi hoga . bejanadaru wala tak unaki bhawishyawaniyon ke aage bejan ho gaye aur daru men doob gaye . baba pal bhawishyawani karate karate itane thak gaye ki unhonne ritayarament ki ghoshana kar di . achchha hi kiya . apane desh jarmani ko semifainal men harawa kar ritayarament le liye warna jarmani ki futabal tim wapas laut kar unake ek bhi baju salamat n chhodati .
mitron, koee naya dhandha start karane se pahale sarwe jaroori hota hai . aap bhi do char jyotishiyon ya tantrikon ke ऑfis jakar dekh aao . n ja sako to koee bat nahin main tafasil se samajhaye deta hoon . aafis men do kamare hone chahiye . ek risepshanist ka kamara doosare baba mastakalandar ka kamara (yek gupt kamara bhi hona chahiye jisamen ek bed pada ho . is kamare men putrawati hone ka aashirwad prapt karane aayi sughad mahilaon ko guptaroop se diksha di jayegi) . risepshan par ek hasin risepshanist rakho ya fir muchchhad gainde jaisa pahalawan ye aapaki soch par nirbhar karata hai . anubhawi baba log jinako apani pratibha aur jnyan par poora bharosa hota hai (apani chhathi indri se jana jate hain ki ab yah grahak laut kar dubara nahin aayega) apani fis kauntar par hi jama kara lete hain . fis aap 100 roo0 se lekar 1100 roo0 tak rakh sakate hain . kauntar par baithi wah chanchal hasina apani shokh adayen dikhate huye grahak se kuchh gair jaroori sawal poochhegi jaise aapaka nama, kahan se aaye hain, kyon aaye hain, kya takalif hai, kisako takalif hai aur kisase takalif hai – bete, beti, patni, sasa, sale, sali, sarahaja, bhaee, bhatija, rakhaila, mahilamitr ityadi . yah sari janakari ek faeel me not karake wah faeel baba notanand tak aapake pahale hi bhej di jati hai . kabhi-kabhi yah janakari aapake bagal men grahak ban kar baithe baba shmashananand ke palatu bhakt aap se bat hi bat men poochh lete hain aur baba jogiyanand ko jakar bata dete hain . ab aap apana nanbar pukare jane par uth kar darawaje ke us par jaise hi pahunchoge baba trishoolanand ji sooaron jaisi hansi hansate huye kahenge ”padhariye dewakinandan khatri ji, kya huaa beti fir ghar se bhag gayi ! koee bat nahin . sab maloom hai mujhe . pahale yah kam ena. si. aara. men ham bhi kiya karate the . ab wo kam apane chelon ko saunp diya hai aur aap logon ki sewa ke liye is dhandhe men utar aaye hain .” aap fati ऑnkhon se baba karaitanath ko dekhoge aur tad se unake charanon men dandawat . baba ko to bina bataye hi dil ka hal maloom hai .
dekhiye mitron jitana bada inwestament utana bada prafit . baba tripundanand ka kamara e.si. hona chahiye aur baba ko laipatap par pit pit karana bhi aana chahiye . asar padata hai . farst impreshan ij di last impreshan . chacha khurana ko laipatap inam men mil raha hai wo chahen to yah dhandha aajama sakate hain . chacha chehare se anubhawi bhi dikhate hain . main smart fon lekar unako bhakton ki polapatti deta rahoonga . aajakal dono ka samay achchha chal raha hai . jab tak pablik ki ऑnkhe khulegi tab ham dono 25-30 lakh ka nafa samet chuke honge . wo sab bad ki bat hai . dekhate hain chacha ki kya planing hai .
ab thoda jnyan ki bat . do-char kitaben jyotish aur hastarekhashastr ki padani hongi . aur ek kitab ratnon ke bare men . grahak ko darane ke liye shani, rahoo-ketoo, nich ka mangal aur kalasarp dosh ka uchcharanा bar bar karate rahana hoga . grah shanti ke liye 5000 roo0 se lekar 51000 roo0 tak ki skimen laipatap par taiyar rakhani hongi . isake alawa thoda ratnon ki janakari bhi honi chahiye . jayapur se kaudiyon ke bhaw raddi patthar thok men kharid lijiye aur har grahak ko kam se kam ek patthar tipane ki koshish kijiye . patthar ke mamale men ek bat majedar hai ki aam aadami isaki kimat ka anuman bhi nahin laga sakata hai . pachas paise ka lal patthar moonga bata kar aap 5000 ru men bech sakate hain . yakin nahin aata . tiwi par telishaping wale jo nawagrah pattharon ki mala ya ek patthar ki angoothi 2500 ru se 5000 ru tak men bechate hain usaka wastawik dam 50 ru bhi nahin hota hai . ek totaka aap aur kar sakate hain . pahadon se ek bora roodraksh mangawa lijiye . ek mukhi se lekar chaudahamukhi tak ke roodraksh aap chahe to bhakton ko fri men bant de ya fir 1100 se 5100 ru men bech den .
mitron is lekh men jo jnyan men aapako de raha hoon isaki risarch karane men mera ab tak 20,000 roo0 kharch huaa hai . aapako fri men de raha hoon . aapako agar muft ki chijon se ghrna taeep kuchh hai to meri kansalatensi fis ke roop men aap jo bhi chahe 1100 roo0 ya 2100 roo0 de sakate hain . main mana nahin karoonga .
is dhandhe men kisi digri ki jaroorat nahin hai . bas andhawishwasi aur kamachor paisewale bhakton ki jaroorat hai jo sochate hain ki fala grah ki pooja karane se ya fala patthar pahanane se unake bigade kam ban jayenge . asal men karm hi pooja hai . ab bas aap is wyang lekh ko pado aur kam par lag jao . agali kadi men ek naye rojagar ki barikiyon ke sath fir mulakat hogi . tippani karane me kanjoosi mat dikhaeeyega . bolo baba wyabhicharanand ki jay .
not: baba mastakalandara, notananda, shmashanananda, jogiyananda, trishoolananda, karaitanatha, tripundananda, wyabhicharanand aadi nam aapaki sahooliyat ke liye diye gaye hain . dhandha shuru karane par aap iname se koee bhi nam apana sakate hai.
=>ghabara mat bachcha . kya huaa jo biwi dost ke sath bhag gayi . abhi washikaran marata hoon, dost ki bahan jahan kahin bhi hogi aakar tere panw par gir padegi .
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | Tagged: rojagar, hindi hasy wyangy, cartoon, comedy, employment, Hasya, Humor, job, Vyangya. | 5 Comments »
Posted by K M Mishra on julaee 20, 2010
witt mantri pranaw da ne is bajat men ek karod bis lakh naye rozagar paida karane ki bat kahi hai . karaporet sektar kahata hai ki ye sare rozagar narega ya aanganabadi jaisi yojanaon ke liye hai jo gramin kshetron men matr 100 din ke hi rozagar ki garanti dete hain . shahari aur shikshit yuwakon ke liye bajat men koee prawadhan nahin hai jabaki aaj desh men 20 karod rozagar ki jaroorat hai . to doston witt mantri ne to bajat sansad men rakh kar apane hath jhad liye . ab aap jano, aapaka kam jane . kangres to yuwaon ka wot lekar panch sal ke liye tagada rozagar pa gayi .
yuwa mitron, ye to aap janate hi ho ki apana hatha, jagannath . maf kijiyega taeem pas ki bat nahin kar raha hoon balki aapako swarozagar ke naye kshetr bata raha hoon . halanki ye swarozagar ke kshetr naye nahin hain lekin inamen not kootane ki apar sanbhawanayen hain aur sath hi ye samajasewa se bhi jude huye hain . swarozagar ke apane maje hain . koee sasura bans nahin hota . jab man kiya kam kiya jab man kiya tab bal-bachchon ko (agar ye kasht aapake oopar nahin pada hai) to bajoowali bhabhiji ko, padosi ki ladaki ko, apani hasin sekretari ko skootar ki pichhali sit par baithaya aur sinema dekhane ya idali-dosa ke bad aaisakrim khane nikal gaye . jindagi ka maja to isi men hai . jab man kiya kam kiya jab man kiya tafari kar dali . n kisi ke bap se lena, n kisi ke bap ko dena yani n lena eka, n dena do .(yah falasafa garl fraind par lagu nahin hota)
to doston mainne is badati huyi berozagari par ganbhirata se wichar kiya aur is karan mujhe ek jhapaki bhi aayi (dimag par lod dalate hi thodi der ke liye dimag ki ema.si.wi trip kar jati hai) . kafi der tak wicharane (jhapakane) ke bad ye lakhon ka aaidiya dimag men lapalapaya . hing lage n fitakari, rang bhi chokha wala aaidiya tha . dher sare naye swarozagar ke kshetr hain jinapar sarakar ki najar nahin padi hai halanki sarakar bahut kuchh inhin tarikon aur sidwanton par chala karati hain . is shrankhala ke antargat main aapako inhin tarikon ki janakari doonga . isamen bahut jyada inwestament ki jaroorat nahin hai, han, apane skil dewalap karana jaroori hai . aap inako profeshan ka darja de sakate hain jaise daktara, wakila, si.ye. wagairah hote hain . agar aap gaur se dekhenge to har profeshanal aadami mool roop se inhin sidhdanton ki madad leta hai . chaliye ab jyada aapaki dimag ka dahi nahin karoonga aur shurooaat karate hain is shrankhala ki pahali kadi ki .
rozagar nan0 ek – haeetek tantrik ya jyotishachary baniye .
mitron, munh n banao . kuntalon sanbhawanayen hain is kshetr men aur bora bhar kar not bhi hain . ghar baithe aamadani . pair chhoone walon ki bhid . kaish aur kaind men inkam . balabhar yash . afasar aur neta charanon men lotan kabootar . baba ban kar thath se gaddi par wirajo . samajasewa ki samajasewa aur khoobasoorat auraton se sanpark badane ke mauke . main kahata hoon kya kami hai is dhandhe men . paisa hi paisa aur glaimar ke sath nam bhi . koee aaee.ye.yes ya kisi maltineshanal ka si.ee.o kya kha kar tumhari barabari karega . chalo ab dhandhe ki barikiyan bhi samajha doon aur trening kaise leni hai wo bhi bata doon . dhyan se sunana . hasya, wyangy samajh kar hansi men mat uda dena . jiwan badal jayega .
pahale to akhabar padhana sikho . kahe ki ye sare chaoochak dhandhebaj roj akhabaron ke wargikrt panne par chhapate hain aur inaki koee janch bhi nahin hoti . wijnyapan is tarah ka hota hai – wiwah men adachana, premawiwaha, mohani washikarana, yantr hath par ragadiye premi-premika bhag aayenge, dhanawan banen, wyapara, widesh yatra, naukari, lantari, sautana, grhaklesha, talaka, adalata, shiksha, santan n hona, aadi ek yantr sau kam . miliye pahad wale baba se . purane dant ke pul ke bagal men, masale wali gali, minya ki saranya, aligadh .
is tarah ke wijnyapan roj akhabar men chhapate hain . jaiye pahale wo wijnyapan pad kar aaiye fir dhandhe ki bat batata hoon .
jari…………
=>putr tumhare hath men kalasarp yog spashtaroop se dikhaee pad raha hai . rahu-ketu ne tumhara jiwan nark bana rakha hai .
=>han maharaja, aap sahi kahate hain . meri patni aur meri sas hi mere liye sakshat rahu-ketu ka awatar hain . inase mere pranon ki raksha ka koee upay batayen .
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | Tagged: adalat, apana hath, yek yantr sau kam, kartoon, khoobasoorat auraton, grhaklesh, jagannath, daktar, talak, dhanawan banen, naukari, pahad wale baba, premawiwah, profeshanal, bhrashtachar, mohani washikaran, yantr hath par ragadiye premi-premika bhag aayenge, rozagar, lantari, wakil, widesh yatra, wiwah men adachan, wyapar, shiksha, santan n hona, si.ye, sautan, swarozagar, hasin sekretari, hindi hasy wyangy, cartoon, comedy, employment, employment news, Hasya, Hindi, Humor, job, unemployment | 5 Comments »
Posted by K M Mishra on julaee 16, 2010
mitron, ramacharitamanas ka path apake agal-bagal men kabhi n kabhi to huaa hi hoga . aapake ghar men bhi huaa ho ya planing chal rahi hogi is nawaratr men pit dene ki . he ramachandr ji! mujhako maf kar do . main tumhare bhakton par wyangy karane ja raha hoon . filahal mere pados men balakand bohani kar chuka hai . mujhako samajh men nahin aata ki bhonpu ka awishkar hone ke pahale ramayan path aur ajan kis tarah se ki jati thi . kendr se 100 mitar ki doori tak ke sabhi makanon ke khidaki darawaje poori kushalata ke sath band honge . unamen rahane wale kanon men rooee thoons kar baithe honge . unako shri ram 24 ghante tak lagatar yad aayenge . sath hi yad aayenge bhayanak rakshas aur utpati shor machate uddand wanar . ”prabhu tumhari foto ke samane hi to itana shor ho raha hoga . kya tumhara sir dard se nahin fatata ?”
ramayan baithane ke do din pahale se hi taiyariyan shuru ho jati hai . un wisheshajnyon ki list banaee jati hain jo dolaka, manjira pitane men aur haramoniyam kyan-kyan karane men sidhdahast hain . ”are rakesh ke sale surindar ko fon kiya ki nahin . tanp ki ramayan gata hai . ” surindar bhaee kanlej men ”meri pent bhi seksi” gate hain aur ramayan men chaupaee bhi usi dhun par raged dete hain . chahe dasharath ha rama! ka wilap kar swargawasi ho rahe hon ya sita ji rawan ko tinaka dikh kar dhamaka rahi hoti hain par surindar bhaee ”gore gore mukhade par kala kala chashma” ga rahe hote hain . tulasidas ji oopar baithe sochate honge thoda let paida huye hota to baliwud men achchha chans tha . ya fir hath jod kar ramachandr ji se mafi mangate ”prabhu mujhako maf kar do . mujhako nahin pata tha ki aapaki katha ki kabhi aisi durgati bhi ho sakati hai .”
”chunnu beta, tumhare doston ko khabar kar di ki nahin . tum log abhi so jao, rat ko tumhi logo ko khinchana hai .” ek ehasan hai ramaji par . tumhari kanwesing kar rahe hain raghupati aur kya chahiye tumhen . ek mahatma ke prawachan men suna tha ki jahan kahin shri ram katha hoti hai, bajarangabali wahan ek bar jaroor pahunchate hain . galat hai . jahan kahin bhi laudaspikar bandh kar ram katha ho rahi hogi, bajarangabali kya jo bhi dewata aas-pas hoga sir par pair rakh kar bhagega . itani chillahaton aur dhwani pradooshan men sirf poodi-panjiri ki aas wale rookenge aur koee nahin .
ramayan path ka jab itana prabhaw hai tab shri ram ne falatu men hi rawan se itana lanba yudhd kiya . banari sena ki bhi jaroorat nahi padati . ayodhya se ek darjan ramayan path karane wale gawaiye bulakar lanka ke samane akhand ramayan shuru karawa dete . rawan pagala jata . dauda chala aata aur niwedan karata . he rama! ye chillahato band karawao, ye rahi tumhari sita .
ramayan baithana ek yajny hai . badi mushkil se gane wale mil pate hain . wo bhi ek-do ghanta kat kar chal deten hain . din to kat jata hai par rat men kya kiya jaye . speshal instrakshan diye jate hain . jagadisha, girisha, bablu aur kallu aaj ghar par hi rookenge. rat ke ek baj rahe hain . ghar ki ek mahila ki dayooti chay par lagi hai . har aadhe ghante par chay aa rahi hai . saunfa, ilayachi, gari ka burada plet men rakha hai . bablu ramayan pakade pakade hi let gaye hain aur jagadish aadhe ghante se peshab karane gaye hain . bahut badi jimmedari hai bina khandit huye ramayan path . dono yodhda is teji se chaupaee ka path kar rahe hain mano sugriwa, jamawant gada lekar nishacharon ki sena men kood pade hain . charon taraf hahakar mach gaya hai . par bas aadhe ghante tak . fir nala, nil yani babloo, jagadish ki bari aayegi .
yek ghatana batata hoon . ek bar hamare pados men ek sajjan ke yahan ladaka paida huaa to unhonne sabhi dewi detaon ke mandiron men ja kar unake darshan kiye, sabako dhanyawad jnyapit kiya aur ghar lautakar ramacharit manas ke akhand path ka sankalp bhi liya . nishchit din par laudaspikar aadi tang diye gaye . nishchit samay par pandit ji ne aakar pooja path ki aur gawaiyon ne ramacharitamanas ka path shuru kiya . din bhar bhakton ki tim aati rahi aur poora muhalla shri ram katha men dooba raha . rat men speshal bhaktonki tim aayi . speshal bhakt we hote hain jo ki paisa lekar ram charit manas ka path karate hain . inaki aaw bhagat bhi wishesh tarah se karani padati hai .
rat ke ek baj rahe the . jin sajjan ko putr ratn ki prapti huyi thi we sapariwar nidra dewi ki aradhana men lag gaye . speshal bhakton ko har aadhe ghante men chay ki jaroorat padati hai . unhonne dekha ki ghar ka malik sapariwar so raha hai aur un logon ke chay pani ka intajam bhi kisi ke matthe nahin hai to un logon ko kafi dukh huaa . dukh ki matra itani adhik thi ki we bhawuk ho gaye . bhawana men bah kar unhonne ek kand ka patta hi saf kar diya . bajarangabali se prerana le kar unhonne ek lanbi chhalang lagaee aur ayodhya kand ke bad sidhe kishkindha kand par ja kar laind kiya . aranyakand ka aadhi rat men apaharan ho gaya aur kisi ko pata bhi nahin chala . aam taur par ramacharitamanas ka path 24 ghante ka samay leta hai par us din manas ka path 16 ghante men hi samapt ho gaee . sabhi log khush . chalo jaldi khatm ho gaya . panjiri charanamrt bant kar chhutti karo . doosare kam-dham dekho . is bat ki khabar kisi ko nahin lagati par usi speshal tim ke ek khiladi ne doosari jagah ding hankate huye ye bat kahi ki agar hamari aaw bhagat men koee kami rah jati hai aur ghar ka malik nadarad rahata hai to ham isi tarah se ramayan gate hain . jab malik ko hi fikrr nahin hai to ham kahe fikrr karen .
sawere se ramayan path chitrahar ka maja de raha hai . jis umr ki tim aa rahi hai us daur ke gane sunane ko mil rahe hain . pitaji bata rahe hain ”ye madhumati film ka gana hai . ye naya daur ka . is gane par to shammi kapoor bahut uchhala tha .” chhota bhaee bata raha hai ”ye gana wir ka hai . ye dhun kaits ki hai .” ”prabhu mujhako tumase poori hamadardi hai . kal men prasad men do patte enasin ke jaroor chadaoonga . tumhara sir dard se fata ja raha hai n . bhakto ke liye tumako hamesha se hi kasht sahana pada hai . par itana to kabhi nahi sahe honge . foto men ram ji sita ji se kah rahe hain . ”main rawan se sau bar yudhd kar sakata hoon par ab yahan nahin baitha jata hai .”
koee paॅूchhane jaye, bhaiya ye laudaspikar kyon laga rakha hai . ramayan path karo par apane ghar men karo . poore muhalle ko kyon ehasan ke tale dab rahe ho . ham doosare kam nahin kar pa rahe hain . to uttar milega ”anayas hi sahi sabake kanon men prabhu ki katha ja rahi hai, puny milega .” yar hamare puny ke liye tum kyon khat rahe ho . is wakt puny nahin chahiye agale hafte se bachchon ke imtihan hain . nanbar chahiye .
aisa nahin hai ki main ramayan path ka wirodhi han . bachapan men kisse kahaniyan padane ka itana shauk tha ki ghar men rakhe sare dharmik grantha, ramacharitamanasa, premasagara, puran ityadi kaksha 5 men hi pad dale the . kitani akhand ramayan men ham maeek prem ki wajah se balakand se uttarakand tak chillate rahate the . lekin is tarah ramayan path se kuchh nahin milane wala . apana taeem to kharab hi karo dhwani pradooshan se aas pados men bhi pareshani khadi kar do .
shri ram katha bina arth jane tote ki tarah pad jaoge to tota hi raha jaoge . arth samajhoge to bhaw utpann honge . bhaw utpann huaa tahan beda par samajhiye . pabhu to bhaw ke bhookhe hain, kanwesing ke nahin . ramacharitamanas itana lokapriy aur prasidhd granth hai kyonki isamen shriram katha ke madhyam se samajik rahan sahan aur swachchh jiwan ke asankhy farmoole bhare pade hain . puraniyan logon ko manas ki dheron chaupaiyan yad rahati hain . koee kam fansa to fala chaupaee suna kar margadashan kar diya gaya . manas to maryada puroshottam ki katha hai, jo awatar hi aadarsh prastut karane ke liye liye the . isako ek bar bhaw se padiye . bhakti ke sagar men n doobate utarate milen to kahiye . aha! aisa warnan to sirf ek bhakta, sant hi kar sakata hai . kisi purana, weda, upanishad men aisa aanand kahan jo manas men hai . bhakti ki chasani men lipata yah granth to bajarangabali ko bhi itana priy hai ki unako ek bar us jagah aana hi hai jahan ram katha ho rahi hai . ramacharitamanas ka aanand lena hai to kisi bhakt ki wani se suniye . wo swany to aananda, bhakti ke sagar men doobega hi aapako bhi wah laharen nahala dengi .
bhay prakat krpala din dayala kausalya hitakari .
harashit mahatari muni man hari adabhut roop bichari ॥
prabhu ek bar aur prakat ho jao . pres kanfres bulawao aur apane bhakton se apil karo ki laudaspikar n lagaya karen . distarb hota hai . bolo siyawar ramachandr ki jay . ram katha samapt hoti hai . sab log aarati le len aur thali se chhutte paise n uthayen .
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | 13 Comments »
Posted by K M Mishra on joon 30, 2010
aisa to nahin hai ki aap kabhi bimar nahin pade honge . (are bhaee baduaayen nahin de raha han .) chhiken honge . kabhi bukhar chada hoga . maleriya, taifaeeda, kanlara, ti.wi., shugar . are dariye nahin badi aam bimari hain . mere kahane ka matalab hai ki dawa kaun si lete hain . elopaith ya homyapaith . in paithiyon ka arthashastr bhi bhinn bhinn hota hai . bhinn bhinn tarika hota hai . ab agar aapako koee bimari ho gaee hai (maf karen . kabhi n ho . sirf udaharan ke liye) aur aapaki bimari ka kharch aapaka wibhag utha raha ho tab elopaith chalegi . isaka staindard thoda ooncha hota hai . medikal ikzam men bhi che oonchi chij hoti hai . agar aap nagadaoo ko swasthy se kam chahate hain to elopaith ki sharan men jayenge . isake bare men ek nakaratmak tathy yah hai ki ye bimari ke sath sharir ki pratirodhak kshamata ko bhi nasht kar deti hai . isaliye budhdiman wyakti salah dete hain ki imarajensi men hi isako sewa ka awasar diya jaye .
mithi goliyan . homyopaith . isaka arthashastr thoda aam aadami ke lewal ka hota hai . bas daktar sahab fis oonchi n len . dawa daru wali ukti ko inhonne jyada tatparata se grahan kiya hai . isaliye inaki adhiktar dawayen elakohal hoti hain . do boond daru dawa hai . do paig masti hai . usase jyada pine par pine wala rota hai aur duniya hansati hai . isake bare men ek khas bat yah hai ki yah marj ko dabati nahin hai balki usaka samuchit upachar karati hai .
ek hai apani khas chikitsa padhdati, aayurwed . deshi chij . ye sasti bhi hoti hai aur manhagi bhi . agar aapako gaisatik trabul hai to trifala fank lijiye ya hinga, ajawain aur bhi bahut se deshi masale hain . aur agar aap shahi ilaj chahate hain to fir ye das tola sona bhi jala kar khilawa sakate hain par ye gais ke liye nahin hain . isaki khasiyat yah hai ki isake liye ghar men hi kafi kuchh upalabdh hota hai aur agar jyada prabhaw chahiye to kisi waidy ji ke nikat jaiye . ye aisi aisi jadi bootiyon ka nam gina denge ki khoje n paiyega . milati hai par shahar ki kisi khas dukan par jisaki aapako janakari nahin hogi . si.aaee.di. wale khojane men madad kar sakate hain yadi unako bhi koee bimari aayurwed se hi duroost karani ho ya unaka koee mujarim apana hajama thik karane ke liye us dukan par aata ho .
ab ek aisi chiktisa padhdati ki bat karane ja raha han jo ki fri fand ki hai . ekyoopanchar aur ekyoopreshar padhdati . is padhdati men koee dawa-sawa khane ki jaroorat nahin hai bas sharir ka ya hath ka hi koee hissa daba kar baith jao . jyada tej aaram chahiye to sueeyan kharid lo aur apane ko panchar karawa lo . isake anusar hamare sharir ke jitane bhi mukhy ang hain un sabaka kanekshan kuchh nason ke dwara hota hai jo ki poore sharir men faili hoti hain . har tarah ki bimari, jukam se lekar kainsar tak aap isase thik kar sakate hain . (batane wale ne to yahi bataya . )
aapane kabhi aise sadhuon ko dekha hoga jo ki suee ke bistar par ya kanto ki jhad para lete hote hain . mujhako lagata hai ki ekyoopreshar ya ekyoopanchar ki shurooaat aise hi huyi hogi . chin wale to jhooth bolane men mahir hi hain . kah diya hamane khoja hai . jhoothe, dhokhebaj kahin ke (chin ke) . han to main kah raha tha ki kanton ke bistar par koee bimar sadhu behosh ho kar gir gaya hoga . kuchh der men usaki sari nasen tadak fadak thik ho gaee hogi . budhdi hari ho gaee hogi . satak se usane chilam nikali hogi . ganja bhara hoga . ek sutta khincha hoga aur jor se chillaya hoga ‘yooreka’ ‘yooreka’ matalab fri fand ka ilaj .
aadhunik ekyoopreshar men bhi yahi hota hai . ab aap babool ke das fit ke jhad ko ghar men to rakh nahin sakate hain isaliye plastik ki kantedar plet chalan men hain . us par khade ho jaiye aur swasth anubhaw kijiye . total yaugik aanand .
ab chaliye ekyoopanchar ki taraf . saikil men panchar ho to hawa nikalati hai . sharir men panchar ho to khoon nikalata hai . jyada badiya fayada chahiye ho to das tho suee kharid lo aur kisi wisheshajny se thunsawalo . dard nahin hota hai . bas chinti si katati hai . kabhi kabhi khoon nikal aata hai par isase jyada raktadan to aap har rat machchharon ko kar dete hain . khabarane ki koee jaroorat nahin hai sab thik ho jayega . isase bhi tej fayada chahiye to wisheshajnyon men wisheshajny, sayane (kasaee) wisheshajny bijali ka bhi intajam kiye rahate hain . ek se barah wolt ka karant sueeyon men prawahit kar denge . kuchh nahin hoga bas halka sa chunachunayega . jyada tej hoga to aap khud hi ”si” ki dhwani karate huye hath hata lenge . par ghabaraiye nahin fir se koshish kijiye .
ye padhdati hamare aam jiwan men bhi bahut karagar hai . ab jaise sasu man ka sir dard kar raha hai to bahu gale par ekyoopreshar ka prayog kar sakati hai . yadi aapake sir men dard kisi ‘na’ nam ke aadami ne utpann kiya ho to aap ekyoopanchar widhi apanayen . isamen aap suee ki jagah chaku ya koee bhi lanba nukila danda le lijiye aur ‘na’ ke sharir men kahin bhi jaise sira, chhati ya pet men ghused dijiye . ‘na’ khatma, dard khatm .
ekyoopreshar aur ekyoopanchar men aadhe marijon ka dard suee, karant aur wisheshajnyon ki nimarm tatparata dekh kar hi bhag jata hai . baki aadha marj bhi chala hi jata hai kyonki jo bhi ho chiktisa padhdit to hai hi .
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | 4 Comments »
Posted by K M Mishra on joon 11, 2010
mitron, abhi ek dhansu khabar padi hai . padate hi kan men hawaee jahaj ki aawaj goonjane lagi . khabar itani jyada kifayati hai ki aap bhi baink ki pasabuk khojane lagoge . abhi subah ka akhabar banch raha tha . ek khabar thi ki ab kar ki kimat men milenge wiman . khabar padate hi mujhe apani tutahi saikil ka dhyan aaya jo ki mere swa. dada ji ki hai . us aitihasik saikil par chad kar main roj subah pappu ko skool chhodane jata han aur wapas lautate wakt parag ka paiket panlithin main lataka kar ghar wapas aata han . meri yah hardik ichchha hai, sachchi yah hawaee jahaj wali khabar padane ke bad to hardik mahatwakanksha hai ki rashtriy sangrahalay meri khanadani saikil ko rashtriy sanpatti ghoshit kar de aur badale men mujhako 5-10 lakh roopaye muaawaja de de kyonki wah saikil pappu ko skool chhodane ke alawa mujhe daftar le jati hai, sham ko sabji doti hai, usake jarjar ho chuke kairiyar par bitha kar main apani faimili ko pikchar dikhane bhi le jata han . so ek tarah se wah hamari marsadij hai . ab marsadij to 25 lakh ke oopar aati hai par main sarakar se sirf 10 lakh ki hi ichchha rakhata han . sarakar is par jaldi gaur kare kyonki abhi wah jahaj 5 lakh ke andar aa jayega . baki 5 lakh ka main petrol bharawa langa . agar jahaj ki kimat is bich bad gaee to fir mere muaawaje ki rashi bhi bad jayegi .
mitron ab poori khabar bhi pad lijiye kyonki aisa sasta, halka, majaboot aur tikaoo jahaj to aap bhi kharidana chahenge . latawiya ke kuchh waijnyanik ye sasta tu sitar wiman bana rahe hain . (bhaiya mere pappu ke liye bhi ek chhoti si sit laga dena warna wo bechara skool kaise jayega .) is wiman ki kimat 6500 dalar padegi yani karib sade tin lakh roopaye . bharat men bechenge to ho sakata hai thoda manhaga bechen so aap panch lakh ka intajam karake rakho . ye jahaj faibar aur dayooralominiyam se banega . bhaiya chahe alamooniyam se banao ya dayooralominiyam se udana chahiye bas . is hawaee jahaj ke liye chhoti si hawaee patti ki jaroorat padati hai . so isake liye mere ghar ki chhat se kam chal jayega . makan malik thoda badabadayega to ekadh bar usako bhi udawa denge . chhat par ek chhoti si foos ki madaee hai . apana pushpak wiman wahin par rat ko wishram karega . is wiman men do injan lagenge . halanki wah udega ek se hi par tek ऑf ke liye do ki jaroorat hogi . achchha hai ek se udega to patrol ki bachat hogi . kanbakht waisi bhi 50 roo. litar hai . chalo isi bahane petrolapanp ka bhi munh dekh lenge kyonki apani saikil men to sirf barasat bad hi ऑyaling grising hoti hai .
mitron, is wiman men suraksha ke bhi behatarin intajam hain . ab jaise aap ka udate wakt tel khatm ho jaye to jahaj satak se jamin ki taraf lapakega . aap sochoge ki is pushpak wiman ke sath sath aap bhi ram ji ko pyare hone wale ho par aisi halat men bilkul n dare . dil ko kada karen . jan hai to jahan hai . jahaj ka bima aapane jahaj kharidate wakt hi karawa liya tha aur niche jamin par rahane walon ko bachane se jyada jaroori hai ki aap apane aap ko bachayen . yah pani ka jahaj nahin hai ki jahaj ke sath sath kaptan bhi doob mare . yah hawaee jahaj hai . ab jyada sochane ka tem nahin hai pagal . sit ke niche pairashoot hai jisaka paisa kanpani wale aapase pahale hi wasool chuke hain . pith men bandh kar kood pad par kyonki patange ab najadik aa gaee hain .
is tarah aap pushpak wiman ka bhi maja le loge aur bajarangabali ki jarah sef laiding bhi kar loge . is jahaj ko lekar aur sab to khush hain par hawaee prashasan pareshan hai . jahaj sasta ho jayega to har aadami marooti chhod kar jahaj hi kharidega . aasaman men traifik bad jayegi to traifik pulis ki wyawastha karani padegi . traifik singnal aur laeeten lagani padengi . so kharcha badega . agar koee jahaj traifik ke niyam tod kar bhagega to traifik pulis wala bulet se chahet kar chalan kat nahin sakata . isaliye kuchh hawaee jahaj uddayan prashasan ko bhi kharidane padenge . koee aadami daru pikar n wiman udaye isake liye bhi wyawastha karani padegi . ye khataranak bat hai, kyonki daru pikar chalane wale eksident jyada karate hain . to oo log kisi ki bhi khopadi par jahaj gira sakate hain . durghatana hone ka dar hai . mera kanpani walon ko ek sujhaw hai . wo jahaj ke andar haindil ke pas ek mashin laga de jo ki payalat ki nak soongh kar hi jahaj start karane de . jahaj ka kanpyootar ghusate hi chetawani de de ki nasha patti karane wale, pan bidi, sigareta, daroo, charasa, ganja pine wale nasha utarane ke bad hi jahaj par chaden . nahin to maren .
mitron yah jahaj ek sal bad ban kar taiyar hoga so abhi sarakar ke pas kafi taim hai meri aitihasik saikil kharidene ke liye, par jyada der n karen . jaroori ho to kebinet ki miting bhi bulawa len . ek sal abhi baki hai aur barasat bhi aa gaee hai so salana sarwising bhi karawa leta han . aap log bhi sewing ekaunt khol lo . panch lakh ikatthe karane hain . main chalata hoon . pappu ke skool ka taim ho gaya hai aur wah basta lekar mere samane khada hai .
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | Tagged: . cartoon . comedy. Hasya . Humor . plane . private . Vyangya. . pushpak wiman . hindi hasy wyangy | 2 Comments »
Posted by K M Mishra on joon 8, 2010
paryawaran diwas ke awasar par .
mitron, charon taraf badata huaa pradooshan ek musibat hai . chahe wah wayu pradooshan ho, jal pradooshan ho, ya fir dhwani pradooshan . mrda pradooshan ko bhi mat bhooliyega kyonki ye bhi ek prakar ka pradooshan hota hai . halanki in sab se bada aur sabhi pradooshanon ki jada, jo sabase bada pradooshan hai us par kisi ki nigah abhi tak nahin gaee hai . jab nigah hi nahin gaee hai to usako pradooshan bhi nahin manenge . fir us pradooshan ko hatana, khatm karana kisi ke bas ki bat bhi nahin hai . is sabase bade pradooshan ko to wahi hata sakata hai jisane is pradooshan ko failaya hai . aap log soch rahe hoge ki ye sabase bada pradooshan kya bala hai jis par ab tak hamari najar hi nahin padi . mitron, wah sabase pradooshana, sabhi pradooshanon ka bapa, aur sare pradooshan jisaki ungali pakad kar chalana sikhate hain, wah hai insana, manawa, hyayooman binga, sabase wiwekashil prani, sabhi prakar ke pradooshanon ki jad yani ki ham . ham se matalab aap log sirf krshn mohan mat laga lijiyega . kyonki agar aap ye soch rahe hain ki krshn mohan ko hatane bhar se sabhi pradooshanon se nijat mil jayegi to aap galat soch rahe hain . kyonki ye bichara krshn mohan sirf dhwani pradooshan aur wicharon ke pradooshan ke siwaye aur doosare pradooshanon ko nahin failata hai . dhoomrapan ye karata nahin ki har taraf karban monoaaksaid ka failaw kare aur pan bhi ye nahin khata ki jahan dekho tahan ye chitrakari karata fire . dhwani pradooshan bhi tab failata hai jab use aakashawani men winod warta ke liye bulaya jata hai . is liye ye aadami utana pradooshan nahin failata jitana ki doosare aadami failate hain . ham ka matalab hai ham sabhi, is prthwi namak grah par niwas karane wale sade chh: arab insan . prakrti ke banaye huye sabase wiwekashil prani, jisane apane wiwake se doosare jiw jantuon ka to jina haram kar hi diya hai aur prakrti ki bhi nak men bhi dam kar rakha hai . kahan kahan nahin ham ne gandagi failaee hai . chahe wah maunt aiwarest ho ya fir prashant mahasagar . chand par bhi ho aaye hain to jahir hai wahan bhi kuchh n kuchh gandagi failaee hogi . agar gandagi nahin failayenge to fir insan kaise . jisako kahate hain paryawaran usaka hamane satyanash bal bhar kiya hai . charon taraf ek mahan pradooshan faila huaa hai (yani ki insana) aur isake dwara failayi huyi gandagi . dharati mata apane is lal ki karatoot dekh kar sochati hongi ki teri wajah se aaj n jane kitane jiw-jantu, pakshi aur wanaspatiyan ya to khatm ho chuke hain ya fir lupt hone ke kagar par hain . tu is kokh se janm n leta to hi thik tha . ye duniya tere bina jyada sundar aur shant hoti .
to mitron ye to bat ho gaee jitane bhi prakar ke pradooshan hote hain un sabake pitaji ki, yani ki insan ki . ab aaeeye un pradooshanon par nigah daudate hain jo ki isake dwara paida kiye gaye hain . sabase pahale lete hain wayu pradooshan ko . wayu pradooshan wah pradooshan hota hai jo ki wayu men failaya jata hai . jisaki wajah se wayumandal dooshit hota hai . han han bhaeeya, pet men wayu wikar ke karan kuchh manaw garjana ke sath thodi matra men gais bhi bahar nikalate hain lakin utani gais se wayu pradooshan nahin failata hai . fir wah zaharili bhi nahin hoti hai. wayu pradooshan failata hai bade paimane par zaharili gaison ke wayumandal men failane par . jaise ki bade bade karakhanon ki chimaniyon se nikalane wala kala dhuaan wayu pradooshan failata hai . janaretaron aur badati huyi wahanon ki sankhya bhi wayu pradooshan ko failati hai . is wayu pradooshan ke karan ojon parat ka ksharan hota hai aur grin haus ifekt ki bhi samasya utpann hoti hai . meri saeekil se kisi prakar ka wayu pradooshan nahin failata aur nahin main dhoomrapan ka shaukin han isaliye paryawaran raksha ke liye agar aap koee puraskar may lakha, das lakh ki rashi dena chahate hon to der n kariye . main intajar men baitha huaa hoon .
ab bat karate hain jal pradooshan ki . jal hi jiwan hai . ek din bhi agar banbe men pani n aaye to tiwari ji ke haindapanp par pahale balti lagane ke liye wo kich kich hoti hai ki kaee bar dil karata hai ki aaj pulis bula hi li jaye . ek bar to main tiwari ji ke haind panp par sham ke wakt lota balti liye din bhar ki thakan utarane ke liye naha raha tha, kyonki 36 ghante ho chuke the nal se pani tapake . abhi do hi lota pani sir par dala tha ki roji ke papa tamatamate huye aa pahunche . unhonne raudraroop dharan kar ke bataya ki kaksha 7 men padane wali unaki beti rozi ab yuwa ho gaee hai aur ab main apane sharir ka pradarshan aainda sarwajanik tarike se is haindapanp par nahin kiya karoon kyonki isase unaki yuwa ho rahi bitiya ke man par bura asar padega aur ye mere sharirik swasthy ke liye bhi hitakar nahin hoga . jal hi jiwan hai aur isake karan mera jiwan us sham sankat men pada tha .
pani hamare liye utana hi jaroori hai jitani ki hawa . lekin ham apane wiwek se donon ka hi satyanash karane par tule huye hain . audyogik karakhanon ke rasayanik awashishta, wibhinn kitanashakon ka prayog jaise di.di.ti., aarsenik lawan aadi, gharelu kooda karakata, kheton men istamal kiya gaya naitret urwarak jo ki bah kar kuon ya talabon men chala jata hai jisase ganbhir bimariyan hoti hai, nadi tat par shawadaha, ya adhajale shawon ko nadi men prawahit karana in sabase mithe pani ke donon srot pradooshit hote hain . jamin ke niche bhi aur jamin ke oopar bhi .
aaiye ab charcha karate hai dhwani pradooshan ke bare men . dhwani pradooshan ke antargat aata hai wibhinn wahanon se paida hone wala shora, aatishabaji ka shora, chunaw pracharon aur dharmik pracharon ka shora, dashahara holi ke din bajane wala kan fadu sangit ya aaj kal shadi byah men chala di.je. ka naya shauk . abhi kuchh hi din huye main ek sajjan ki shadi men gaya tha . unaki barat ek chhote se gest haus men samahit thi . us gest haus ke graund flor men bane ek matr hal men khane ka, baratiyon ke baithane ka aur yuwaon ke liye di.je. ka bhi intajam tha . us 30 baee 60 fit ke hal men un bade bade spikaron ne wo kahar dhaya ki aadhe se adhik barati to bina khana khaye hi bhag khade huye . main thahara pandit aadami . char kachaudiyon ke liye jan par khel gaya . aakhir wyauhari ke 51 roo. bhi to wasoolane the . doosare din khabar mili ki wo bechara doolha jo ki doolhan ke chakkar men nahin bhag saka, rat do baje use bhi ghabadahat hone lagi thi . doolhe miyan dawa khane ke bad hi 7 fere le paye the .
dhwani pradooshan ki wajah se hrday ki dhadan badana (hanlaki dil ki dhadakan sundar ladakiyon ke samane aa jane par bhi badhati hai), rakt sanchar me kami, chidachidapana, atyadhik manasik tanaw w sthaee baharapan aadi dikkate hoti hain .
mrda pradooshan atyadhik urwarakon ka kheton men prayog karane ke karan aur audyik awashishton ko bhoomi par bahane ke karan hota hai . in rasayanon ki wajah se khadyanna, sabjiyan aur fal ityadi jaharile ho jate hain jinaki wajah se ham sabhi ko tamam pet ki aur rakt sambandhi bimariyan hoti hai aur daktaron ki aish ho jati hai .
to mitron kul milakar sare pradooshanon ki jad hai insan . jahir hai ham apani pareshani khud hai . badati huyi janasankhya, n sirf paryawaran ko pradooshit karati hai balki berojagari aur aparadh ko bhi badawa deti hai . desh ki arthawyawastha aur kanoon wyawastha ki aisi taisi hoti hai so alag . aaj hamara desh wikasashil desh hai to isake jimmedar ham hain kyonki ham aaj bhi apani aabadi par niyantran nahin rakh pa rahe hain. jahir hai jyada aabadi yani ki jyada pradooshan . jyada dikkaten . isaliye aap logon se mera hath jod kar sawinay niwedan hai ki krpaya karake aap log do se jyada shadi mat kariye . jyada jaroorat pad jaye to tisari shadi bahut hai . (do patniyan to dahej men jalane men hi kharch ho jati hain) aur bachchon ke mamale men aapase kuchh nahin boloonga . kam se kam char bachche to chahiye hi janaje ko kandha dene ke liye . hai ki nahin .
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | Tagged: Air pollution, janaje, jal pradooshan ho, dahej, dhwani pradooshan, pradooshanon, mrda pradooshan, wayu pradooshan, hindi hasy wyangy, cartoon, comedy, effect, environment, global, green, Hasya, house, Humor, soil pollution, sound pollution, Vyangya., warming, water pollution | 3 Comments »
Posted by K M Mishra on joon 7, 2010
lijiye sahab barasat aa gaee . ab ki bar wakt par aa gaee . akhabar wale kah rahe the ki pichhali bar to bewakt bhi nahin aaee thi . aani bhi chahiye agar sardi, basant aur garmi, thik wakt par aa sakate hain to barasat ko bhi taeem ka paband hona chahiye . pabandi jaroori hai . hamare bans ka bhi yahi kahana hai ki har kam taim par hona chahiye, halanki prat: smaraniy shri bans ko dashakon ho gaye prat: kal men bistar chhode huye . chhodiye unaka kya . we to bans hain . barasat aa gaee hai . bahar jhama jham pani baras raha hai aur dharm patni ka aagrah hai ki ‘aaj aafis mat jaeeye, pahali barasat hai, isaka aanand lena chahiye . kahin ghoomane chalate hai . mausam bada hi suhawana hai, yani ki beiman hai . plaja men naee bhojapuri film lagi hai ‘sawan men sajana’ aur pados wale pande-padaeen usaki badi tarif kar rahe the .’ ek bar to mujhe apane shri bans ka shrimukh yad aaya fir yad aaya ki aaj to sande hai aur aaj ke din agar main aafis n bhi gaya to koee pahad nahin toot padeग़ा . aur fir yad aayi meri sekend haind saikil jisaka kutta pichhale do saptah se fel hain aur dono brek takarane ke bad hi aaj kal lag rahe hain . unako durast karawane ka sunahara awasar itawar hota hai . is liye film kensil kyon ki dharm patni jis kairiyar par baithengi usaka bhi nat bolt gir gaya hai .
‘film n sahi to fir besan hi le aao . barasat men garama garam pakaudon ka apana hi aanand hai . pyaja, adaraka, hari mirch wagairah ghar men hain hi .’ itana kah kar usane jhola aur chhata pakada diya . ham barasat ka aanand lete huye kharama kharama panasari ki dukan par pahuche . use ghun rahit besan ka ऑrdar diya, lifafe men paw bhar besan liya aur janata pan bhandar ki taraf bad liye . itani der men hame yah pata chal chuka tha ki hamara chhata bhi ripeyaring mang raha hai kyonki hamari bushart pichhe se gili ho chuki thi .
janata pan bhandar wale se hamara purana yarana hai isaliye wo hamako dekhate hi zarde wala pan banana shuru kar deta hai aur usaka hisab apane rajistar men hamare nam ke aage chada deta hai . kyonki hamara aagrah sada se yahi raha hai ki bhaiya apane pan ka hisab tum mahine mahine kar liya karo . ye roj roj ki athanni chawanni hamase nahin di jayegi .
pan khakara, ek hath men jhola, jhole men besan aur doosare hath men chhata lekar ham ghar ki taraf bade . bushart pichhe se poori tarah bhig chuki thi aur jibh bhi jara si kat chuki thi kyonki janata pan bhandar wale ne choone ka prayog ifarat se kiya tha . apani kismat ko kosate ham ghar ki taraf lapake ja rahe the ki tabhi pichhe se pande zi ki aawaj sunaee di . palat kar dekha to wo bhi ek hath men chhata aur doosare hath men bred liye chale aa rahe the . hamane is barasat men nikalane ka karan poochha to unhonne bhi wahi patni parayanata ka nara buland kiya jisake mare ham bhi tutahe chhate men bhigate fir rahe the .
aate hi unhonne samachar diya ki barasat men kabhi chappal pahan kar nahin nikalana chahiye kyonki usase uchhalane wale chhinton se paint ya pajama ganda ho jata hai, jaise ki mera pajama ganda ho chuka hai . main hataprabh aur dukhi ho kar pichhe palata aur apane pajame ka muaayana karane laga . pande ji ne hamare chappal ko ghatiya bataya aur hamane pande ji ka samarthan kiya . hamane batachit ke wishay ko badala aur plaja men lagi huyi bhojapuri film ki bat uthayi . pande ji ne bataya ki film haus ful ja rahi hai aur tikat ka intajam unhonne blaik men kiya tha . hamane mahasoos kiya ki blaik wali bat par unaka sina kuchh jyada hi fool gaya tha aur unake shabdon se raeesi tapakane lagi thi . isi bich ek lanbi kar hamare bagal se sarr se nikal gaee jisake pahiyon se uchhala kichad ham donon ke kapadon ko tarabatar kar gaya . pande ji ne us lanbi kar wale ko gala fad kar gariyaya aur hamane unaka samarthan kiya . us lanbi kar wale ka bahut bahut dhanyawad jisane samajawad ka kichad uchhal kar pande ji ko mere star tak pahuncha diya tha. ab ham donon ke kapade ek jaise, ek hi rang men, aur ek jaisi gandh wale ho gaye the . in kapadon men hamara swagat hamari patniyon ke siway aur koee kar bhi nahin sakata tha isaliye ham ghar ki taraf tej chal se chal diye .
hamara getaap dekh kar dharmapatni ne aashchary prakat kiya aur fir besan sahi salamat dekh kar santosh ki sans li . dharmapatni ne aagrah kiya ki aap kapade badal kar hath munh dho len kyonki kichad sirf kapadon par hi nahin munh par bhi laga hai . itana kah kar we pyaj katane chali gayin aur main gusalakhane men hath munh dhone chala gaya . ab bas pakaudon ka intajar tha . main hath munh dhokara, kapade badal kar draing room men baitha pakaudon ka intajar karane laga . thodi der men patni ne soochana di ki namak bhi ghar men nahin aur agar bina namak ke pakaudon nahin khane hain to ja kar plij dukan se namak le aaeeye . hamare liye ye soochana kataee sukhad nahin thi kyonki ham us prakriya ko dobara nahin bhogana chahate the .
bahar pani jhama jham baras raha tha aur main soch raha tha ki aisi barasat se jeth ki lu bhali. itana sab bhogane ke bad hamara mijaj kafi had tak bigad chuka tha kyonki bijali bhi ja chuki thi.
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | Tagged: akhabar, janata pan bhandar, pakaudon, film, barasat, besan, bhojapuri, sawan men sajan, hindi hasy wyangy, cartoon, comedy, Hasya, Humor, Vyangya. | 2 Comments »
Posted by K M Mishra on joon 1, 2010
=>amma ab kuchh dinon ke liye sudha ke yahan bhi rah aao . jijaji ka fon aaya tha ki sasu man ki badi yad aa rahi hai, kuchh ham bhi mammi ki sewa karalen .
nyooj: patni ke bad beti ko bhi milegi penshan . kendr sarakar ke wibhinn wibhagon ke 37 lakh karmachariyon ke parijan labhanwit honge . 1 janawari 1990 ke bad ke sabhi karmachari aur penshanabhogiyon ko milega niyam ka labh .
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | 1 Comment »
Posted by K M Mishra on maee 29, 2010
naksaliyon ki krpa se aajakal bharat men dishashool yog chal raha hai . bihara, jharakhanda, chhattisagada, pashchim bangal aur aandhrapradesh jane wali relen naksaliyon ki krpa se patari se bahak bahak utar rahi hain . relon ka bahakana dekh kar mengalaur hawaee patti par eyar indiya ka ek wiman laind karate karate bahak gaya aur 158 yatriyon ko doosare jahan ki lanbi hawaee yatra par le uda . rod eksident ka yah hal hai ki sadak par duniya men sabase jyada mauten bharat men hi ho rahi hain .
pahale soch raha tha ki garami chhutti men bachchon ko ganw ghuma laoon . siddharth ji aur girijesh raw ji dono apani post men mar ganw ki amaraee, chhappara, puaala, jonhari, bajari thelate rahate hain . chalake ham bhi gawan ka lutf utha aayen . sawere sawere lota lekar padosi ke khet men khad saplaee karane ka apana hi aanand hai . pet ki safaee bhi ho jati hai aur sawere sawere dan puny bhi ho jata hai . har ganwawasi sawere sawere puny karm se hi din ki shurooaat karata hai .
main tere khet men .
tu mere khet men .
dono tinake ki ot men .
par itti sari durghatanaon ko dekh kar ab kahin aane jane ka man nahin kar raha hai . jnyan kaka relawe ke aspatal se wapis aa jayen to unake sath subah subah ganga snan karane chala jayega .
Posted in hindi hasy wyangy | Tagged: amaraee, yeyar indiya, girijesh raw ji, chhattisagad, chhappar, jonhari, jnyan kaka, jharakhand, dishashool, naksaliyon, pashchim bangal aur aandhrapradesh, puaal, bajari, bihar, mengalaur hawaee patti, rod eksident, siddharth ji | 2 Comments »
desh prem ke do shabdon ke samanjasy men washikaran mantr hai, jadu ka sammishran hain . yah wah kasauti hai jis par desh bhakton ki parakh hoti hai . - maithilisharan gupta
K M Mishra
shri krshn gowinday namaः swaha .
wakratund mahakay koti sooryasamaprabh .
nirwidhnan kuru me dew sarwakaryeshu sarwada ..
ya dewi sarwabhooteshu widyaroopen sansthita .
namastasyai namastasyai namastasyai namo namaः .
oon namaः kamalawasinyai swaha . 
